I hated it today cos when I woke I knew I had to go and see the unemployment advisor - a 16 mile round trip and an early appointment.
At 8.50am (GMT) I am then waiting outside the benefit office with a crowd of others on a busy main road...this was sure embarrassment, those going past were surely gossiping and looking...so it was hood up and wait for the doors to open.
Just after nine we are all inside and I was one of the first to have my interview...this was going to be tough as 2 days earlier I had received a letter from the DWP which clearly stated that I would not be awarded any benefit...this was a trigger for recent spell of anxiety and I had blurted out my feelings all over Facebook.
Yes my Facebook community responded with words of support and sympathy but I just felt helpless and useless...a very low ebb and so close to just sodding off and never coming back.
Well I didn't do that, otherwise I would not be tapping away on here...so with the letter in hand and my job search I met my advisor. I asked for a private room, at first I tried to be strong and then when I presented the letter, and my advisor read it's meaning the same as I had, it was then that the tears started to flow, the shaking and the agitation and fiddling with a plastic carrier bag. Going through all that talking and listening, which I have done so many times before and to which is so difficult, is as it is-tough, very tough.
The advisor was nice and sympathetic but powerless to act other than give advice...my thoughts were very mixed on the way home...from hating the government to hating other road users, I just thank that lorry for pulling out of that side road other wise I might have road raged my way into the fool whom had over taken me on top of a blind bend...I headed for home and bed!
When I get like this, I find sleep is good but I didn't sleep for long as my wife and daughter called me down...another letter from the DWP and this one explaining I would be getting benefit... disbelief, a more detailed letter...but what was the point of the first letter!?
Anyone lesser than me would have or should I say might well have harmed themselves, or killed themselves and in doing so destroyed the lives of those so near to them...and because of a letter of ambiguity from a governmental dept.!
A visit to my MP beckons, if I care...or maybe not!